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Kaalakaandi  (2018)  (Hindi)
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Kaalakaandi Review

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If you think a story like Delhi Belly could be replicated or something 'as cool' could be made, Kaalakaandi will disappoint you. Three random stories in one night in one terribly pretentious film that tries too hard. Fails.
1 out of 5 (Poor) Kaalakaandi NOWRUNNING REVIEW | Manisha Lakhe
Rating:  1.6/5
Nowrunning Critics: 1.0/5 | External Critics: 2.2/5
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It would have been fun had the doctor told Saif he had 'Lympho Sarcoma of the Intestines'. At least we would expect some fun. And they do have film references in the film. This way it is neither fun, nor serious. It is plain trying too hard to be 'kewl'.

And why are they all speaking English? There is barely any Hindi in the film. and that too in a Police Station where by their 'Urban film hai, so characters are speaking English' logic, the cops in Mumbai speak Marathi laced Hindi.

Running parallel to Saif's 'let me do strange things because I'm going to die' story is the story of a girl going abroad for a PhD whose boyfriend wears her thong on his face. Again, trying too hard to be cool. If he doesn't want her to go abroad and thinks she's going to seduce men by wearing thongs, would he be wearing her thong on his face? If he wants her to laugh by wearing her thong on her face then he wouldn't be whining... Looks like they wanted to get the 'this is dental floss' dialog into the film. Meh!

Deepak Dobriyal and Vijay Raaz are at the heart of the third parallel tale. They're 'hafta collectors' for a bad guy, wondering what it could be if they took the money instead of giving it to the boss. Of course there is a sharpshooter who wears guns like some gunslinger from a cowboy film. Sigh. Even though a gunslinger driving away in a Nano is funny, at least make the guns like they've been in use for 25 years! The shiny guns look like they've just arrived bubble wrapped from Amazon.

The stories are so asinine you know that it was ideated when the 'team' was doing what Saif tells the doctor he's going to do...

The stories are so painfully predictable in their 'coolness' you expect the photographer girl to say 'I'm a lesbian', just to check that box...

Only the person who did the special effects earns his salary. The rest is self-indulgent silliness.
Critic: Manisha Lakhe
 1 out of 5 (Poor) 1 out of 5 (Poor)  

WHAT THE RATINGS MEAN:
0.0 - 1.4 : Poor
1.5 - 1.7: Poor, A Few Good Parts
1.8 - 2.3: Average
2.4 - 2.9: Fairly Good
3.0 - 3.4: Good
3.5 - 5.0: Very Good

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