Kuch Kuch Locha Hai Hindi Movie

Kuch Kuch Locha Hai is meant as a substitute to certain materials you can find over the internet, for those people who don't have access to the internet. Which means they don't have access to this review. Which means this was a wasted effort on my part. May 8, 2015 By Piyush Chopra

Sunny Leone (expressionless): "Main nikaal du?"

Ram Kapoor (shocked and confused): "Kya?"

Sunny Leone (expressionless): "Juice!"

Ram Kapoor (slightly turned on): "Kiska?"

Sunny Leone (still expressionless): "Arrey, carton se!"

The above scene, considering it was featured prominently in the film's trailer, is one of the better jokes in the film in the makers' eyes. Based on that supposition, you can just about tell what kind and what level of entertainment you can expect from a film that has been titled Kuch Kuch Locha Hai. For those who've got the idea and have started running in the opposite direction already, my work here is done. For those of you who can't overcome their desire to watch Sunny Leone, I shall write on, because recounting a scene from a film doesn't count as a review.

The film is about a married man Praveen Patel (or as he fondly and repeatedly calls himself, PP), who has a huge crush on Bollywood star Shanaya (no last name, none needed). Things start to unravel for him when he wins a contest to go out on a date with her on Valentine's Day. One thing leads to another and she requests PP to let her live with him in his house (to research a middle class Gujarati family for a film). Since he obviously can't tell her he's married (obviously!), he sends his wife away and asks his son and his girlfriend to dress up as his parents (obviously!).

The film is as removed from logic as Kashmir is from Kanyakumari. In fact, the film has a restraining order out against logic and sense. But did the film's director Devang Dholakia ever promise you a cerebral film full of riddles? No, he didn't. What he did promise though, was Sunny Leone in all of her gorgeous glory. And he home delivers on that promise.

You get Sunny Leone in a bikini on the beach. You get Sunny Leone in a bikini in a pool. You get Sunny Leone in a bikini under an artificial waterfall. You get Sunny Leone in a bikini in a garden. Even when you don't get Sunny Leone in a bikini, you get a poster or a DVD of Sunny Leone in a bikini. And did I mention you get Sunny Leone in a wet sari?

The camera, much like a snake, slithers all over her bare body in the most offensive and objectifying manner you could imagine. And then to assuage his guilt, Dholakia makes Sunny Leone deliver an unwarranted, unprompted, completely out of the blue monologue about how it's so tough to be an actress with the whole world staring at you with "buri nazar", which is the new height of irony. In fact, irony died a painful death from iron deficiency after listening to that monologue.

When you don't get Sunny Leone in a bikini, you get Evelyn Sharma in a bikini, which is an added bonus for the film's target audience. And to cater to the film's female audience, you also get muscle man Tarzan newcomer Navdeep Chhabra, who's six-pack abs seem to be made of an ice sculpture and his face made of wood. And then you get Ram Kapoor in the film to ward off "buri nazar".

You also get fake Yo Yo Honey Singh-style rap songs and comically composed rock songs, because an assault on all your senses is important, not just your vision.

Devang Dholakia may be a director, but it doesn't feel like he's ever been anywhere near a camera before in his life. There are dozens of continuity errors, lapses in logic, poorly disguised product placements, crass and offensive humor, hammy acting, terrible production design, amateurish cinematography and they probably forgot to edit the film. Basically, each and every department the director is supposed to have a degree of supervisory control over fails miserably.

Ram Kapoor, an otherwise effervescent actor with a decent comic timing, is so horrible here that I don't even have a joke to crack about it. Sunny Leone is going to perform well at the box office. Evelyn Sharma is... no idea. Navdeep Chhabra is more stone-faced than a statue of Sunny Leone. The best performance in the film is by TV actress Suchita Trivedi, who at least manages to bring a smile to your cringing, tired face a couple of times.

Overall, Kuch Kuch Locha Hai is meant as a substitute to certain materials you can find over the internet, for those people who don't have access to the internet. Which means they don't have access to this review. Which means this was a wasted effort on my part. Oh, well. At least I got to watch Sunny Leone in a bikini.