Ram Gopal Varma ki Aag Hindi Movie

I am no Sholay fan. Eyes of fellow film-buffs pop out of their sockets usually when I say this, but to be very frank- I don't even remember when I watched Sholay, and what remains of it in my mind can hardly even be termed as a faint memory.

But irrespective of whether you have watched and loved Sholay or not, you are equally likely to be absolutely appalled by Ram Gopal Varma's seemingly audacious remake of the legendary film. No question about it, blokes- this one's pure Aagony.

What was Varma thinking? Was he even thinking? Is this the end of the filmmaker- the man who once gave us Satya and Company? All these questions haunt you after watching Aag- simply because more than an insult to Sholay, it is an insult to Ram Gopal Varma himself- or rather, the filmmaker he once used to be.

Varma has always reveled in his sheer arrogance, always supremely irreverent of what critics may say about his films- so much so that many of his recent films are almost like indulgent pleasure trips by the director, as if they were made on a whim. But this time, Varma's indulgence has truly got the better of him. Aag is a god-awful mess of a film, and I makes me use a word that I never thought I would use for a RGV film- it is unwatchable.

The promos of the film (set in a weird semi-rural, semi-urban setting called Kaalganj) suggested that RGV has chosen to place Thakur (now Inspector Narsimha, played rather ably by the brilliant Mohanlal) as the main protagonist, sidelining the other tracks of the film, and placing him face to face with the most celebrated villain of Hindi Cinema- now called Babban- played by the Big B, no less.

Which turned out to be mostly true, actually- but how one wish Bachchan and Mohanlal had been given some more meat, some more screen time. It may have made the film much, much more bearable- the powerhouse performers that these two actors are. But the film inexplicably chooses to spend more time on inane comedy and romance tracks- featuring a totally miscast Ajay Devgan and a must-never-be-cast-in-anything Nisha Kothari- that are totally unfunny and fall flat.

The film that starts off tepidly- with titles that proudly proclaim- 'Introducing Amitabh Bachchan as Babban', keeps you hoping that things will finally fall into place and start rocking once the main conflict begins, but it never happens. Instead, you have to contend with cinematographer Amit Roy's countless camera angles that soon get tiresome and a screechy score by Amar Mohile, which really gets on your nerves.

Ramu even pays tribute to his nemeses- Karan Johar and Yashraj films- by making AB shake a leg with AB junior in the badly composed Mehbooba song in the film- with a very overweight Urmila Matondkar. Tsk, tsk.

Of the performances, Amitabh Bachchan is really good, creating some great moments with his superb ex-press ions, dialogue delivery and body language. He is snakelike and rather menacing- though not menacing enough. To top it, Ramu chooses to show the human side of Gabbar or should I say Babban- in what is probably the only interesting scene in the entire film- but then, I am not really sure if that's really a good thing.

Mohanlal is stellar in his role, but is often handicapped by a poorly written part and an accent that often comes in his way while acting. Sushmita Sen is suitably restrained in her part, and newcomer Prashant Raj makes a confident debut appearance, though nothing to really write home about.

A special mention must go to Sushant Singh who makes for a mean Taamba (or was it Khaamba?), a great foil to the ferocious Babban. In fact, Bachchan and Singh share better chemistry and a far more endearing kinship than Jai and Veeru (now Raj and Heero) in this film, whose great friendship the film feebly tries to establish by playing the Yeh Dosti tune in the background.

The worst acting honors predictably go to Ajay Devgan and Nisha Kothari- arguably one of the worst pairings ever witnessed on scre