Kuch Bheege Alfaaz Hindi Movie Review

Feb 16, 2018 By Manisha Lakhe

If this film were to be believed, then there are grownups everywhere who do nothing at offices but discuss Whatsapp forwards. If this film were to be believed, then it is all right to live off your mother and give up a paying job to write those ridiculous Whatsapp forwards because 'the goal is to make the world a happy place'. If this film were to be believed, you can actually dial a wrong number on your smartphone and they are so jobless, they don't mind the intrusion, because you're so-oh flirty. And if this film were to be believed, you can be a rabid fan of a poetry-spouting radio jockey and not recognise his same smarmy voice on the phone...

There are so many reasons to 'facepalm' at this ridiculous film, let us first attempt to look at the bright side.

The heroine of the film is Archie (played rather well by Geetanjali Thapa) who is shown to be suffering from a skin condition called Leucoderma. Not something we see in a Hindi film, so kudos!

But that's it! Archie goes on blind Tinder dates just to shock them when they first see her. Now, it is a good thing that the heroine is not picture perfect as in all Hindi movies. But you just want to slap her for the things she does. Her skin condition doesn't come into it! The unsuspecting Tinder dates turn out to be disastrous, but is it fair to put some stranger through what she does? And if she's so comfortable in her skin, then why not put a photograph on the dating site?

But that's not where the problem lies.

Archie's bestie and friend-zoned lad is Apu (Will the Begali folk ever get over this name?!) played by a pajama clad Shray Rai Tiwari who works at a meme generating company with Archie. Why can he not have someone in his room? Inspired from teen films, Archie should be leaving his room not by the door but by by shimming down a tree outside the window like in the teen movies from the 70s! Plus why is there an obvious stereotypical mother who shouts from the background like Howard's mother from the television show Big Bang Theory? He's made to look dumb, but he's the one writing funny lines to the pictures Archie has taken on the phone. And looks like these characters do not know that they can forward photos instead of showing up in someone's bedroom to get help for a clever line. Who wrote this anachronistic stuff?

Then there's this perennially sad poet RJ who is named Alfaaz. He wants to be invisible to his audience, but his photo is stuck right there at the reception in the office! He is supposed to rule late night radio, as shown by the many sweet shots of people listening to radio. You buy the popularity, but then Archie says, 'Who listens to radio, right?! Everyone is on Whatsapp though.'

Woah! That is rather confidence sapping! This she says to a wrong number (in this age of smartphones!) who is happy to chat with her exchanging pointless messages about how you need to let go of your past like sand from your hand... Just like the RJ and it is the RJ! (Insert one of the many Facepalm emojis here!) Who are these people who think this is sublime?

The film is shot in Kolkata and they do speak Bengali in the film, but when FM channels have all gone local it is difficult to believe they will have a love poetry RJ for a late night show who speaks Hindi. But who cares for logic? They show 25 years plus people uncaring about jobs, but date, go to pubs and perennially chat on the phone adding emojis. It is annoying, to say the least. As far as the poetry is concerned, Archie's room has a line in chalk scrawled on the wall: So futile...Your words and mine...written on the wall...

The movie experience is perfectly summed up by this line. And stay away from walls after watching the film. You might want to smash your head against it...

This film is about a grown-up woman who goes on blind Tinder dates, her friend-zoned pajama wearing bestie who works with her at a meme generating social media company, and a supposedly-popular late night RJ who spouts really smarmy poetry. The film is about connecting with a wrong number, whatsapp forwards, and really bad life advice. In other words, 'Hashtag One Tight Slap' for wasting the audience's time.
Rating: 33%
Manisha Lakhe